Sunday, January 14, 2007

Media Blitzkrieg In Short Form

This is the media blitzkrieg, short form style.

Item #1: Apple has released its latest technological innovation,
the iPhone
It's a phone, an iPod and a mobile internet device. Everybody is going to want one of these. People love new innovative gadgetry and Apple has been cornering the market with their multiple lines of iPo
ds the last four years. My bottom line on the iPhone - how about a cell phone that simply is a cell phone? The battery life on these things are ridiculous if you do anything outside of placing a call. I want a cell phone that doesn't drop my calls and has quality sound. That's it. No 1.1 megapixelated camera or 1G mp3 storage. I don't need a keyboard that flips out.

Item #2: Meat Loaf
Who has a new album out titled: Bat Out Of Hell III which is wack for the lack of creativity in the title alone. The rock opera concert shtick is played out and there's no room for it now. Mr. Loaf, your role as Bob in Fight Club was exceptional, but this shit has got to stop.

Item #3: The tabloid media coming up with the catchy one-word celebrity name mash-ups

I think it all started with Bennifer, the one-word pseudo buzz phrase to say when regarding the relationship of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
It's just plain stupid and only adds power to their unreasonably exalted celebrity status. So no more TomKats and Brangelinas, you fake fickle tabloid newspeople. I don't want to see the name you would create if Skeet Ulrich started dating Queen Latifah.

Item #4: It's 2007 and you still have the Bush-Cheney '04 bumper sticker on the back of your ride
It's a bumper sticker, not to be confused with the Support The Troops or We Support The War magnets you also like to put back there too. Rip them off already. This is for your own good and credibility as someone who has a vested political interest. The way things have been going, this administration is destroying its image and character faster than Pee-Wee Herman's hand in a Florida pornhouse.
The same deal applies to all of you out there with the John Kerry - A Better America bumper stickers. We know you want people to keep in
mind you voted for the lesser of two evils, and you are not as naive and misguided as the other camp. It's 2007 and there are some new political figures to consider.